That’s What You Get

I’m working through some painful+difficult lessons, and things don’t always turn out how we hope. However, there is something beautiful about trying really hard for something… and I mean giving it alllllll you got, and falling KERSPLAT!, right on your metaphorical face.

I’m talking, things ended so gnarly, that your teeth got smashed in, both lips are bleeding and busted, your eyes are blackened, and maybe you’ve even broken your nose. BUT, you fucking tried with all your might. Then, as you peeeeeel yourself off of that asphalt to fully assess the damage you’ve just incurred, you realize that while you are in a substantial amount of pain, you are also freer than you were before the emotional ass-kicking.

Some very chill things that have been kicking the “I WONDER” can around the alleyways of my mind are:

How do you move past disappointment so deep, it feels like it's originating IN your blood AS it's being produced? 

How do you look someone in the eye, and ask them to join you in healing, only to be ignored?

Why do we long for deeper human connection so forcefully, that we'll opt-in to laying ourselves bare in an effort to achieve it?

What makes up the power dynamic of “belonging”? 

When people show you who they are, over and over again, believe them. 

Take a deep breath, and picture how you can move forward without their help.

If it becomes too intense in there, try gently pinching your own leg in an effort to feel less in your heart and mind in that moment. Allow yourself to move the pain/shift the pain around until you’re able to square your shoulders and tackle it head-on. 

The only way out is through.

You cannot wish things in to existence, including your desire for someone to join you in mending your shared fences. 

You know what you get?

You get what you give.

That’s what you get.

*a quick p.s. to say: this is not a mysterious post about my wife; we’re all good y’all.