Acts of Love

I think a lot about everyday love.

Not the big, grand gestures… though I sure do love those too, but tiny moments of warmth that say, “I’m thinking of you, and I love you so much”.

These moments can look like:

-Bringing them water, because they are just sooo cozy on the couch

-Preparing their food with a little more of this, or a little less of that, because you know that’s how they enjoy it the most

-Kindly helping someone get their shoes on even when you’re running behind. Because, erm, yeah, the shoes didn’t go on when asked the fifteen times prior

-Seeing them. Really seeing them, for who they are in that moment, AND letting them know you appreciate their vulnerability in showing you their whole-self

-Warming something up for someone: tea, bath towel, bed-before-they-climb-in, hands-before-you-touch-their-body, food, and on and on and on

-Watching that show you despise with them, and not complaining even once. You know it will mean you get to feel them snuggle in next to you, and their body language will let you know how very safe and secure they’re feeling

-Warm hugs, when they are consented to, even in moments of frustration. Especially in the moments where what you really want to do is flick them off , maybe even right in their face to remind them of how irritating this whole discussion has been… but fine, you won’t be a jerk because that’s not the way you really want this to go. Not stuffing it down per say, but taking a quick, deeeeep breath and changing your mindset from, “they are GIVING me a hard time”, to “they are HAVING a hard time”. Everyday love, after all, is realizing that most of the time, the hard time is actually not about you

-Cutting food up for someone: bonus points for a special shape or triangles, because you know how they love those corner nibbles

-Sitting on the benches of sadness, regret, shame, grief, and disappointment with someone, and not attempting to “fix” a dang thing. Because all they really need from you right now, is to know that it’s ok to feel not ok. To hold the feeling that you are on that bench with them and ready… if they need more than just your presence

-Folding their pajamas and tucking them behind their pillow in a neat stack, so they have one moment of zen at the end of that day’s marathon

-Asking if they’d like to talk about it, and not applying pressure if they don’t

-Reminding them it’s ok to be mad, then if necessary reminding them, it’s not ok to be mean to you about their anger. Taking a second and sitting back in awe as they seem to grasp this concept in ways that you haven’t been capable of embodying, yet

-Allowing them to also witness you, when you’re not “ok”, and are in the process of working through hard things. This lets them see that sometimes life and love and new experiences can feel so. effing. hard”, even when we’re not just trying, we are actively doing

- Gently rubbing a foot, neck, hand, or that spot on their back that has been hurting, because you know how much it’s really been bothering them

-Pausing for a moment, to inhale their scent. Really allowing yourself to truly feel, down to your molecular structure, how fortunate you are that your souls, and all of your collective made-of-star-stuff-bodies navigated this great universe and the tests of human formation and life events, to allow you all to stand in this time and space, together. I mean, what a fucking GIFT

-Knowing that for necessary financial, social, developmental, and adventurous reasons, you all will part on most weekday mornings, to come back together at the end of each day. That in addition to the beautiful and wonderful in life, there are also so many opportunities for things like: freak accidents, health scares, regular-ass bad news, accidental slamming of fingers in doors, the dropping of hot coffees on new sweaters, or forgetting your delicious homemade lunch on the counter to happen, and that sucks. But, that if things line up as you hope, you’ll all be snoozing away under the same roof again tonight, bound up tightly in these walls filled with your collective humanity.

This love.

Your love.

Our love.

The kind that gratitude and appreciation don’t begin to cover.

Home!

That’s it!

They are your home, and those acts of everyday love are a vital part of your shared, familial language.