Floating

I have felt internet quiet as of late as I’ve been diving in to questions re why I share things I share, when I share them. Am I making space for a human to see themselves in some of my stories, or am I just making unnecessary noise? The narration in my mind hasn’t stopped nor slowed, but my desire to write it down feels less shiny than it usually does. While I continue to gnaw on my philosophical big league chew, a few items:

1- I have rediscovered my love for Tegan and Sara, and holy shit their music beams me right back in to different phases of love with my wife. What a gift it is when one of your senses enables you to zoom in with force on formative+beautiful life moments. There is a perfume that was popular when we were in high school together, and one whiff and I am back in the closet lusting over my new best friend as we realize we have feelings for one another. One listen through Love You to Death and I am overtaken by crisp memories of kissing for hours on Haight street, holding hands down Dolores, and stumbling through town, laughing together, at all hours of the night and day. This January will mark TWENTY-FIVE YEARS of sharing life together. We work at making space for one another every day. But, to continue to share the passion of young lovers with the person you co-pay taxes with and with whom you need to discuss broken faucets, laundry, and the business parts of co-parenting, is a mother fucking privilege and I know it. The GD cherry on top is also having that person be my best friend and the one who makes me laugh the hardest, even when I’ve just nearly removed the porcelain off of our toilet from vomiting. Speaking of, that leads me to:

2- We all got norovirus a few weeks back, and it was truly horrible. I haven’t thrown up with that velocity ever, and hope-beyond-hope it’s never a repeat scenario. It’s been two+ weeks and I still could barely give a shit about eating food. In a surprise turn of events I feel “better” in my body after not having much sugar this last month, so there’s that I guess? The butthole of a virus took us down one at a time too, so it was a long, bleak, gross two weeks up in the Kitzelmann abode. 100% YIIIIKES rating.

3- Watching our buddy enter first grade has been a real head trip on time flying by, and we’re so proud. We were holding hands walking down the street the other day, and when I felt that tiny hand grab mine I reminded myself to be chill. When they proceeded to open up about some social situations that had gone down at school, I could barely contain myself. We do not have an impromptu tea-spiller; they are more of a “begrudgingly obliges acknowledgement they have a school day that occurred” kind of child. So, imagine my surprise when we were invited to learn things about their inner-world that takes place away from us. It was one of those parenting milestones I didn’t know I’d been hoping for until it happened, and we will do our best to continue to be a safe place for the kinds of conversations like we had that day.

4- I, like many others, am listening to The Retrievals podcast, and that nurse… her sentencing… are you kidding me… I don’t want to spoil anything for listeners but $@$@##$#% if that didn’t bring up some huge feels. If anyone would like to discuss IRL, I am all ears to hear how that emotional cod oil went down for you.

5- If you’re having a tough day/week/month/year(s), you’re not alone. My family and I are here to make you dinner, or take a walk, or learn a new skill, together. Life is hard sometimes, but we don’t have to do it while feeling lonely. People like you and people love you and you deserve happiness, safety, joy, and comfort.

-LK